09 November 2019

Let's make a Cooziecage™

The Cooziecage™ is an on-bike beer-transport system.  I'm pretty sure I invented it. 

Follow these instructions to make your own Cooziecage™. Afterwards, I hope you enjoy many a lovely bevvie whilst sitting atop big rocks, or blown-down trees, or in grassy meadows, or on snow-covered stumps out in the woods.   In my experience, I have found these are things almost everyone likes to do.  

I hope these free instructions make all your rides more enjoyable, and this crazy world we live in a little bit better, too, one bike and one beer at a time.

I like beer!  I like bikes!  I think bikes and beer go well together.
Thanks, Cooziecage

If you do too, you should make a Cooziecage™ so you can conveniently take a beer with you on your next ride. Hell, on every ride! 

Tired of waiting until your ride is over to enjoy a lovely beverage? With a Cooziecage™ attached to your bike you'll be able to crack open one of your favorites the next time, and every time, you get to the top of your ride.  

Just imagine how refreshing that will be!

DISCLAIMER: If you choose to use a Cooziecage™ to drink-and-ride, please do so responsibly. Duh.

What you'll need:


  • approximately 5-10 minutes
  • One (1) plastic Cateye BC100 bottlecage. NOTE: Cateye BC100 cages are no longer being manufactured, so if you don't have an old one in your parts stash, you can always find them on eBay. WARNING: Other models/brands of plastic bottlecages have not been adequately tested and may fail to optimally retain beer at-speed. Use at your own risk
  • One (1) neoprene beer-coozie of your choice
  • A couple (2) small washers
  • Two (2) small pop-rivets
  • One (1) beer of your choice
  • A drill
  • A Sharpie
  • A hole-punch
  • A small sharp pokey thing

Step 1:

Slip the coozie into the BC100 cage and mark the bolt holes with a pen.

Select images to enlarge

Step 2:

Use the hole punch to open the neoprene enough that you can get a bolt through each hole.  You need not remove the entire punch.

Step 3:
Put the coozie into the cage along with the washers and the bolts and install on the seat-tube of your bike. Pro-tip: regrease your threads!

Step 4:
With your drill and a small bit, make two holes, one on each side of the cage, near the corners of the top rim.  The hole should be just big enough to allow your un-popped rivet to fit through snugly.

Step 5:
Stick your sharp pokey thing through each hole and then through the neoprene.

Step 6:
Install a small rivet through each hole in the neoprene and the cage so the flat side of the rivet faces in. Pop it permanently into place with your gun.

Step 7:
Insert one (1) standard 12-ounce beer of your choice into your brand-new, hand-made Cooziecage™ and go ride. Sit down and drink a beer when you get to the top. Think about life. Laugh with your friends. Ride like the wind on the way down! 

Your beer may very likely be a little bit to quite a lot or even very very shook-up when you open it, depending on what sort of ride you've taken it on.  Be advised! 

If you want to absolutely guarantee retention of your beer on an undulating ride (rather than the up-then-down shield-volcano type rides we commonly enjoy around here), consider trimming a 10mm section out of 26" butyl inner-tube to deploy around the rim of your beer and the top extension of the Cooziecage™. This simple security devise has been well tested on Sedona's never-straight, never-flat trails in recent years and has proven effective against the very rare but nonetheless devastating condition known to Cooziecage™ beta-testers as premature ejection.

ANOTHER WARNING: If you ride through muddy, dusty, snowy, or wet conditions on your way to your favorite drinkin' spot, you may find your beer covered in all sorts of the gunk that you encountered during your ride. Some Cooziecage™ users allow their beer to self-clean if and when this happens, simply by opening the fliptop and vigorously blowing off the erupting foamy head along with all the flotsam it's collected.  

Other smarty-pants Cooziecage™ users elect at the start of their ride to insert the beer upside-down for transport, thereby keeping the top of the can clean by shielding it within the Cooziecage™ itself.  Up to you; depends on the IQ of your slacks, I suppose.

Step 8:
When you're done with your beer, don't crush your empty can!  Simply reinsert back it into your Cooziecage™ and transport it out the way it came in. Be sure to recycle it when you get home.

Quick Cooziecage™ Stats:
As-built weight: about 42 grams
Weight when loaded with one (1) standard 12-ounce can of lager-type beer: about 382 grams
Weight when loaded with one (1) standard empty aluminum can: about 56 grams

*Please note: The Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 license applies to these instructions.

07 August 2019

past summer

This past summer was filled with good music, good rides, good books, good dogs, and, most especially, a whole bunch of really, really good people.

03 May 2019

adiós buen invierno

A winter Eden...
...lifts existence on a plane of snow
One level higher than the earth below,
One level nearer heaven overhead
- Robert Frost

01 May 2019

Archival footage: Request for reassignment

It has been one year to the day, give-or-take, since I sent the email reprinted below to my school district's superintendent after a "long dark night of the soul," asking to be released from my job as an elementary school principal, a job that I did not seek or apply to, but rather was quite unceremoniously drafted into. I nevertheless worked hard at the job of school principal (as hard as I've truthfully ever worked at anything) for seven school years, each one filled with its own special sort of arduous labor, and replete with seemingly unending rancor and contention.

Being granted a reprieve from this work was followed by an immediate and confirming sense of relief which has not abated in nearly a year.  Unequivocally, I was never meant to be a school leader.  I am a teacher by training and teaching children remains the principle domain of my heart.  On one of my last days in office, I wrote these words to the faculty and staff of the school I struggled to shepherd adequately for years,"[W]e all know, I was really only ever the interim principal [here], holding a spot between [the principal I succeeded] and the next "guy" while trying not to break the place in the meantime.  I'm glad we've come to a point where I can step away, confident in knowing that I really did work super hard everyday to do my best by [this school] while you needed me to, to return to a role that's far less contentious and much more in line with what I feel I've actually been called to do with my life: teach."

Looking back today, on the first anniversary of this thoroughly consequential, life-changing decision, having now spent the better part of a full year back in the classroom contentedly teaching fifth grade as I did for so many years before entering the principal's office, and despite the nearly 40% reduction in salary I incurred, I nonetheless still feel only an abiding sense of well-being in my soul about all these things, which confirms to me that stepping down as principal shall forever be charted among the best decisions of my life.


Dear Superintendent,

This is not my letter of resignation.  Put quite simply, I cannot afford for it to be such at this time, nor do I desire in any way to ultimately sever my 25-year working relationship with our school district.  But my heart is heavy, and has grown increasingly so of late. And, as I now find myself propelled once again toward another sleepless night wrestling with my thoughts, I hope instead to use this moment of sound-minded wakefulness to make a simple and sincere appeal to you in an email this morning.  The hour is late, so I will try my best to be brief.

After much deliberation, having spent the last seven years in the principal's office, I can say with great confidence: I no longer can endure this work.  When first I was drafted out of our teacher corps as our school's interim principal, it was to fill an unanticipated gap in leadership that was, in the near term, likely to be unable to be filled.  When, sometime later, I was officially appointed to the role by the superintendent and the board, it was with just one objective in mind: to lead until I felt my leadership was no longer tenable or of benefit to the school's community.  I feel I have arrived at this point, that this school has surpassed its need to be lead by me, that it both craves and deserves new vital leadership.  In view of this realization, I would like to step down at the end of my contract in June.  Pragmatically and financially speaking, however, I am not willing, nor am I able, to proffer my resignation from the school district at this time.  It is, in fact, in no way my my desire to do so.  Public school teaching is undeniably my life's calling, a pursuit to which I happily dedicated the first 18 years of my career, and I feel I still have many meaningful contributions to make in this regard.

I am aware that, in the past, district superintendents have provided assistance in reassigning similarly exhausted principals to currently vacant teaching positions for which they were qualified within other district schools.  I would like to appeal for this sort of assistance and consideration to you at this time: Please allow me to gracefully leave my work as a principal but retain my longstanding relationship with the distrit by reassigning me to a teaching position within the greater district school community.  I have truly enjoyed working with all of my administrative cohorts over the years and am confident when I tell you, I would be happy to work for any of them in the future... and that, given all that I have encountered and overcome during seven years in the principal's office, I am likely to be a reformed and exemplary classroom teacher going forward. I will happily take on any new classroom teaching role in the district, in any building in the district, if you are willing to grant me this request.

It has been my great honor to serve as the principal at this school since 2011, and likewise to work as a teacher in our district since 1993.  I do not wish in any way to sever my relationship with the district at this time, nonetheless, I hope you will carefully consider my appeal and allow me to be reassigned into a teaching role beginning at the onset of the 2018-2019 school year.

Thank you.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. -- Ed Abbey