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I was a volunteer reader for Sunsounds of Arizona for several years. It was a favorite amongst my many unpaid retired-guy "gig" jobs. I was proud to be tasked with reading the Arizona Capitol Times (a non-partisan, weekly newspaper covering state politics and government) for their visually challenged listeners on a weekly basis. Sadly, administrative shake-ups within the organization last year made it untenable for me to continue to provide audio content to them.

As a classroom teacher for 20 years, I read aloud to my students each day, commonly following lunch recess, as a way to decompress and refocus our brains after the midday outdoor activity time.

Let's pretend that everything is fine.

[audio]

If ever I had an ego, it ceased-to-be in 2025, along with any inherent sense of pride in my accomplishments I might have once possessed.

But maybe what I'm actually talking about is self-esteem. Or could I be talking about my sense of self-worth?  I don't know. Took my last psychology class half-a-lifetime ago, so I'm not really sure. Also, I haven't seen my therapist in a while (It's time; going to see her on Tuesday). Thus, for today, I'm doing my own stunts when it comes to dredging the definitions and depths of these terms.

Holidays and bitter anniversaries have me feeling pretty shitty these days. Devastated. Sad. Unlovable. Humiliated. Lonely. Unwanted. Without value. Aimless. Why?  My wife left me.  A year ago.  Told me she didn't love me any more.  Moved out of our house.  Walked away from me, our home, our entire extended family, all of our pets, and every single one of our family photos, to say nothing of the many happy memories and moments contained therein. 

Ghosted. All of it.

Let's redecorate the living room!

It was just about a year ago when my now ex-wife revealed the first of many reasons she had for needing to leave me (ultimately there were more than 20; I kept a list). In October 2024, about two weeks before she actually got around to telling me that she didn't love me anymore and was moving out, she told me that it was deeply upsetting to her that “everywhere I look around here, I just see your shit. Especially the garage!  Oh my god, you have completely taken over the garage!"  

True, I'll admit, but only to a point.  Lots of bikes and skis, workbenches and tools out there.  Hard to be a bike rider without owning a few bikes, or a skier without a quiver of skis...

Let's get a divorce.

Divorce is a world of suck best avoided. 

Divorce is a towering rogue wave poised ready to rend asunder half a lifetime's promises, hopes, and dreams.

Divorce is a muddled muttered mantra of repeated regret.  

Divorce is a long dark road in the middle of nowhere, inevitably heading somewhere, albeit only god-knows-where. 

Divorce is an explosion of great magnitude, sufficient to result in the utter destruction of all familiar things, leaving only charred shattered remnants and thoroughly annihilated particles in its aftermath.

Divorce is unabated disquiet.

Divorce is interminable disbelief.

Divorce is an unnatural disaster.

Let's go to France!

I went to Paris, France, for a post-divorce adventure in July 2025.  Visiting Paris has been a "bucket-list" item of mine for a very long time. Given the sad situation I found myself in in January, suddenly all alone, planning and accomplishing this trip solo came to mean a lot to me.

I'm pleased to report, I had a truly amazing time!  

Aside from one breakdown on the RER-B train on my way into the city from the airport, which required me to navigate the massive Gare du Nord train station unrehearsed in order to find an alternative route to my hotel, everything went super smoothly travel-wise. 

I met lots of good people, ate tons of good food, drank gallons of great wine, and visited innumerable amazing places.  The things one does while visiting that ancient, complicated, beautiful city.

While I was there, wandering around the city by day on a janky rental bike, and each night via the Métro, I took a lot of pictures and thought a lot of thoughts.  I posted several of them to my Instagram.  

They're embedded in chronological order below.

Just about a bike: Specialized S-Works CX

Select any image to embiggen

A 2000 Specialized S-Works CX popped up on our local Craigslist the other day, instantly piquing my interest.

During our first salvo of correspondence, the seller told me that he'd had the bike shelved in his garage for several years and now needed the space for other things (a tale as old as time). 

He also told me he had converted it to a 1x11 recently, but that he would willing to include "a box of old parts" in the deal. This box, it turned out, contained the entire original XTR-M950 group, and the original right-hand Ultegra integrated lever, and the original front wheel with its bespoke S-Works hub, and the original Body Geometry saddle.

Thoroughly intrigued, I arranged to meet him in a corner of one of the parking lots at the hospital, cash in hand.  

Took me 2 minutes to eyeball the rig and shake the seller's hand. Told him, "I'll take it!" without any haggling. Gave him every penny he was asking, which was $350, box of parts included.

Let's use a heart-rate monitor!

Several of the following observations were originally posted to the Fifty+ Years Old Forum at mtbr.com on 01 October 2024.

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I started riding with a heart rate monitor, a Garmin Forerunner 45, in April 2024 and, after several months of data collection, I now find myself absolutely fascinated by what I've been learning about my cardio-vascular health and fitness. I am especially intrigued by the corroboration of what I feel has been a distinct increase in my overall-fitness and threshold-endurance during this summer's riding season. 

Bottom line: I love doing the things I get to do outdoors. My objective in learning to use a heart rate monitor has been to better understand my general overall fitness and health and, quite simply, to maximize however-many years might remain to me to continue to be able to do these essential activities that I love. Below is an inexpert run-down of what I think I'm beginning to understand better about my body based on what my new monitor seems to be telling me.